Sun Xiang stared at the message. It came from someone who had never directly contacted her before, rarely interacted with her even indirectly, and who Sun Xiang had ever reason to be at odds with. But the content implied an overture of friendship, albeit one delivered bluntly and with no frills.
Congrats on the gender, it read. Let me know if/when you start taking hormones about it; there are some side effects doctors don’t tell you about because they don’t believe they exist.
There were always side effects to any medication. Sun Xiang had done her research, and talked with her team’s doctors, and while some of them seemed annoying—having cramps sounded like the worst—none of them seemed dire or as inexplicable as what Tang Rou was implying. So, after a full ten minutes of turning it over in her head, Sun Xiang wrote back. Why should I take your word for it? There was an obvious explanation, but one never knew with Team Happy; they might have other obscure reasons for knowing things.
You aren’t the first trans woman in the GPA, Tang Rou said. Just the first one to publicly announce her identity and start transitioning while in the GPA.
“Huh,” Sun Xiang said aloud. She leaned back and fiddled with her earrings as she thought about that. A number of things made more sense with this knowledge, including Sun Xiang’s own annoyance at how little Tang Rou seemed to give a shit about what the media thought about her. Simply by dragging her performance as a woman, they were acknowledging her identity. Sun Xiang could respect that approach, even if she didn’t really understand it.
More impressive was Tang Rou’s ability to maintain this secret despite the media furor around Team Happy. She was from a moneyed family, though, which probably explained it. Sun Xiang made a face; money and access to the best care also probably explained why Sun Xiang herself had never questioned Tang Rou’s gender.
I’ll let you know, Sun Xiang told Tang Rou, and then she put the conversation out of her mind. There were more important things to do, like preparing for next week’s match against Blue Rain, or explaining to yet another media rep that just because she was a woman didn’t mean she wanted to wear dresses to interviews now.
Sun Xiang kept her promise. Everyone agreed that experimenting with medication was best done after the season ended, so long as being unmedicated wasn’t causing Sun Xiang undue distress. Sun Xiang didn’t care—the words people used were more important than her appearance—and so it was June when Sun Xiang told Tang Rou, I’m starting E.
Congrats! Tang Rou sent back. Are you staying in Shanghai over the summer? I want to visit you on July 10th to help you with those side effects I talked about.
Are you going to tell me what they *are*? Sun Xiang demanded. And no, I’ll be in Beijing and then Switzerland. I’m on the Chinese National Team.
Tang Rou called her ten seconds later.
Sun Xiang picked up, saying, “Are you implying that this is a secret so profound that it can’t be set down in text?”
“No.” Tang Rou snorted. “I just don’t think you’ll believe me.”
Sun Xiang glared out the window in a vaguely westward direction. “What the fuck is it, then?”
“Trans women,” Tang Rou said with utmost gravity, “are werewolves.”
Sun Xiang blinked. Then, flatly, she said, “You’re serious?”
“Told you, you wouldn’t believe me.” Tang Rou let out a sigh. “Look, are you going to be in Shanghai on July 10th? The next full moon? Or do I need to ask Mucheng to help me sneak into the National Team’s training hotel for this?”
“I’ll be in Beijing,” Sun Xiang muttered. Tang Rou could get the National Team’s schedule out of Su Mucheng even if she didn’t tell her. “I guess you can come visit.”
“I’ll be staying overnight.”
The media’s going to love this, Sun Xiang thought.
Tang Rou laughed, and Sun Xiang realised she’d muttered out loud. “They’ll ask more questions if I’m not there,” she said. “Trust me on this.”
“Clearly you have this werewolf thing under control.” Sun Xiang felt like giving up even as she said it. This was buying into some fucking ridiculous delusion. It had to be. How was there nothing on the internet about it, otherwise? “Why do you think I won’t be able to do the same?”
“You will,” Tang Rou said, “but the first time is always the hardest, and it’s easier with someone else around.”
Sun Xiang frowned. There was something in her voice… “Did you have someone with you for your first time?” she found herself asking, phone pressed close to her ear to keep the answer safe.
“No,” Tang Rou said. “And that’s why I’m going to be there for you.”
Even if Sun Xiang still thought the werewolf thing was ridiculous, she had to admit that there was something warm in her heart at the idea of Tang Rou making such an effort for her. “Alright,” she said. “Just… tell people you’re there for Captain Su?”
Tang Rou snickered. “Afraid people will think we’re dating, Xiangxiang?”
“Never call me that again,” Sun Xiang growled, and hung up before Tang Rou could respond.
By the time July 10th came, Sun Xiang had forgotten about Tang Rou’s visit. Ye Xiu was pushing them harder than Sun Xiang thought anyone had ever pushed her before, and Sun Xiang thought she might finally be understanding how Excellent Era had become such a powerhouse—and why Team Happy had followed in its footsteps. Ye Xiu was a mechanical nightmare, but it was his utmost belief that everyone could become more than they were which really set him apart.
Plus, of course, his ability to pinpoint exactly where everyone—even the other gods—could improve.
Sun Xiang was working with Zhang Jiale, learning both how to see through his fireworks and how to hide within them, when Su Mucheng knocked on the door and said, “Shimei, you’ve got a visitor.”
“I told you to stop calling me that,” Sun Xiang grumbled. It wasn’t even accurate; she’d never truly been Ye Xiu’s student the way Su Mucheng had been, even if she had inherited his account. Louder, she said, “Give us a minute to finish this exercise.”
“Sure,” Su Mucheng said. Sun Xiang was certain she just stayed there, leaning against the door, watching and judging with her sharp eyes. It was disconcerting, even if it was just in Sun Xiang’s head, and that was another thing she had to get used to; Su Mucheng not being made of sharp edges and biting comments directed not quite at her, but being a person Sun Xiang could talk to as a cordial peer.
Excellent Era had a lot to answer for, Sun Xiang thought, maneuvering One Autumn Leaf through the final flurry of Dazzling Hundred Blossom’s grenades. At least she was getting therapy about it, these days.
Sun Xiang took her time logging out and shutting down her computer, which meant that Zhang Jiale turned around first. “Tang Rou?” he said, surprise clear in his voice. Then, as Sun Xiang’s ears burnt red, he said, “Ooh, is this a secret?”
“It’s just a friendly visit,” Sun Xiang snarled. She shoved One Autumn Leaf’s card into her pocket, then stood up, turning to glare at Zhang Jiale. “Don’t start rumours about nothing.”
Zhang Jiale raised his hands, eyes sparkling with mischief. “Far be it from me to intrude upon your private lives,” he said. “But since nobody’s allowed to interrupt our training without special permission…”
“I went through all the proper channels,” Tang Rou said, before Sun Xiang could get riled up any further. “It’s not blatant favoritism or anything like that.”
Sun Xiang stalked past all three of them, heading towards her room. “Come on,” she said to Tang Rou as she passed. “Let’s talk.”
Tang Rou had timed her visit well, Sun Xiang had to admit. It was already late in the day, with the sun hovering on the horizon’s edge and long shadows stretching along the skyscrapers. The moon would be rising soon, and Sun Xiang’s room faced east, so as soon as she closed the door behind them Sun Xiang asked, “Okay. How does this work?”
“So you’ve accepted that I’m telling the truth about us being werewolves?” Tang Rou grinned and settled on the standard hotel bed. “That’s a good start.”
Sun Xiang scowled at her, arms crossed. “I may as well play along.”
“You’ll have no choice, once moonlight touches us.” Tang Rou looked over at the window, her short hair slipping from behind her ears to frame her face. “There’s no hiding, then.”
“You’ve played matches on full moon nights,” Sun Xiang pointed out. She resisted the urge to pull the curtains closed and instead sat pointedly next to Tang Rou on the bed, closer than they’ve ever been before, except during the post-match handshakes. “You’ve never been caught as a wolf on camera.”
Tang Rou met her gaze with silver eyes as wild as thunder and the same color as a wolf’s pelt. “You learn to hold it back,” she said softly, the words barely reaching Sun Xiang’s ears. “You feel it prowling in your gut, this shape that you should be, that you want to be, and you hold it back so that people don’t scream and run from you in fear. It’s possible to do many things, once you know what you’re doing, but this first time? No. I don’t want you to hold back or be scared of yourself, Sun Xiang. I want you to see what we become.”
Sun Xiang swallowed, dry-mouthed, her skin prickling with goosebumps or static or simply the thrill of challenge. “Why do you hold back, then?”
“Because it’s not for anyone else.” Tang Rou smiled, as the last glitter of sunset melted from the highrises across the street. “They don’t get to see that part of me.”
“And I do?” She could close the gap between them in a second. The world was narrowing to nothing more than Tang Rou’s sharp features, the intensity of her expression, the sense of a coming storm.
Tang Rou closed her eyes in a long slow blink, and the pressure pulling at Sun Xiang lessened. “I do not want you to feel like you’re alone.”
“I’m not.” Sun Xiang gestured to the side, where Zhou Zekai’s room was. “I’ve got my team.”
“It’s different.” Her eyes were open again. Sun Xiang wondered if she could capture the moon in them if she tried. “There’s knowing, and then there’s understanding.”
Sun Xiang felt the moment the moon crested the horizon. A sharp tug in her core, a deep yearning, a howl emanating from her heart; only then did she meet Tang Rou’s eyes and truly believe in the werewolves she had said they were.
“You feel it, don’t you?” Tang Rou’s teeth looked sharper when she smiled, her eyes tinged gold. “Good. Give into it. Let yourself become.”
“I— How?” Sun Xiang demanded. She pressed her hands against the roiling pressure in her gut, something logic said would tear her apart or force its painful way out of her. Surrendering herself to it seemed like a terrible idea, if not an impossible one.
Tang Rou let out a yipping laugh. “Like this,” she said, the words slurring in her mouth as her body changed.
Sun Xiang stared. She forgot to worry about what her body was doing, because the smooth transition between human and wolf in front of her was hypnotic. Enticing. The russet-furred wolf now sprawled on the bed looked up at her with golden eyes and opened her mouth, smiling at Sun Xiang before tossing her head in what was clearly a Well? Catch up! gesture.
Tang Rou’s success was a challenge, and Sun Xiang always did better with challenges than problems.
She clenched her hands and then, the way her therapist had been teaching her to do, released her fingers, her breath, and the other tension in her body all at once. As her muscles relaxed, the tug in her center increased, and Sun Xiang grabbed hold of it and snarled, “Show me what you can do.”
The wolf overtook her, wild motion and unshakable self-assurance sliding into place like a second skin. The world in front of Sun Xiang shifted, colors softening and turning grayer even as scents began jumping out at her, overwhelming in their intensity.
Tang Rou huffed at her, rolling onto her side in clear invitation. Sun Xiang hesitated, then jumped onto the bed next to her. There was no need to hunt, and nothing to chase, and Tang Rou was relaxed. Sun Xiang’s wolf self saw nothing wrong with lying down next to Tang Rou, bodies pressed together in a way that Sun Xiang’s human mind wanted to scream about.
She wasn’t sure what she’d say about it if she had a human mouth, but since her wolf’s tongue couldn’t shape words anyway, it didn’t matter.
Besides, it was nice to rest her hands on her paws and feel the warmth of Tang Rou next to her. Sun Xiang closed her eyes; the wolf knew how long she’d been working and how hard she was pushing herself, and was perfectly willing to rest. Tang Rou was here too, after all, and could ensure that nothing surprised them in the night.
Falling asleep wasn’t intentional, but it was certainly easier than it had been in a long time.
Sun Xiang woke up as a human in the bright morning. An equally human Tang Rou stretched out at her side, one arm draped over Sun Xiang’s torso and face shoved into Sun Xiang’s shoulder.
“The fuck,” Sun Xiang said blankly. They were, at least, fully dressed. The werewolf transformation had preserved that, even if they did smell strongly of dog now.
Tang Rou shifted and yawned. A moment later, she raised her head to blink sleepily at Sun Xiang. “Good morning,” Tang Rou said. “How do you feel?”
Sun Xiang paused to assess this. “I need a shower,” she said, because wow that smell was the most obvious thing.
“Yeah, I try to be naked for the transformation most of the time.” Tang Rou rolled away from Sun Xiang, releasing her from the agony of deciding if she wanted to move Tang Rou’s arm herself or if she maybe had to acknowledge liking the way Tang Rou wrapped around him. “But I figured that’d scare you off.”
The image of a fully nude Tang Rou popped into Sun Xiang’s mind and she rubbed her face with her hands, trying to banish it. “Thanks?”
“Shower,” Tang Rou said firmly, shoving Sun Xiang’s shoulder. “Then I’ll take a turn, and after that I can slip away and you can pretend I was never here.”
Sun Xiang snorted as she got up. “As if you think literally anyone on this team is going to let me get away with not spilling the deets on why you spent the night with me.”
“You could try telling them the truth,” Tang Rou said, an impish grin on her angular—almost wolfish—face. “See if they believe you.”
With a laugh, Sun Xiang closed the bathroom door and turned the shower on. “Tell the truth,” she muttered. “Well, it might be worth a shot.”
An hour later, when Huang Shaotian was asking, “So if you’re a werewolf, is Zhou Zekai a vampire?”, Sun Xiang decided that telling the truth was at least a funnier way to distract everyone from the endless preparation for going abroad.
Come visit for the full moon, Tang Rou’s text read. It’s better with company, isn’t it?
Sun Xiang smiled at her phone. They’d just gotten back to Shanghai after the Glory World Invitational, and she’d barely had time to unpack before the message came in. Yeah, she typed back. It is.