Lan Huan and his brother were sitting at their desks, finishing their academic work for the day, when Lan Zhan asked, “Do you think I will grow breasts?”
It took effort to ensure his brush strokes didn’t jitter and ruin the calligraphy work Lan Huan had been assigned. He breathed in and completed the character he’d been in the middle of, then said, “A moment, A-Zhan,” and heard his brother’s answering hum. Working as quickly as he dared—which still wasn’t too quick; his hand was good, but he knew Lan Zhan’s had already surpassed his—Lan Huan finished copying the poem. It was not his finest work, but it was perfectly adequate.
Only once his brush was set aside, the soft click of wood marking the transition, did Lan Huan look at his little brother. Lan Zhan was kneeling at his own desk, clearly done with his work and looking unblinkingly at Lan Huan. “Your trickster body would like to grow them,” Lan Huan said, at a loss for any other words. “Do you believe it possible to prevent that?”
Lan Zhan frowned, the tiniest movement. “Shufu teaches that cultivation brings our bodies in line with their most perfect selves.”
Lan Huan nodded, understanding where Lan Zhan was going. “I do not think Shufu knows enough about the tricks your body has played upon your spirit to speak to it.” He bit his lip, admitted, “I don’t know either.”
“Then we must learn.” Lan Zhan spoke calmly, but also as if there was no chance that he could be denied. “Where should we start, Huan-xiong?”
“We could ask Shufu,” Lan Huan offered, and then—at the smallest flinch in Lan Zhan’s eyes; the fight for Shufu’s acceptance had scarred their relationship, and the wound was still tender—changed to, “I could ask Shufu.”
“Mn.” Lan Zhan’s eyes brightened. “I will go to the library.”
Lan Huan stood with Lan Zhan, surprised as always to see that they were almost of a height. Lan Huan had been noticeably taller than Lan Zhan until earlier this year, when Lan Zhan’s body had decided to begin growing on pace with the girls of his generation instead of waiting another few years like the boys would. From what Lan Zhan said, he didn’t mind the height; he just hoped that he would grow as tall as the other men of their family.
“I will find you there,” Lan Huan promised. He hadn’t originally intended to find Shufu immediately, but if Lan Zhan was worrying about this enough to bring it up at a time that edged on inappropriate, then it was important enough to follow through.
Lan Zhan bowed and departed, and Lan Huan looked guiltily at the work they were both leaving on their desks. At least they were in their home, and it would be seen and collected soon enough.
Lan Huan drew a deep breath, and made his way to the hall where Shufu spent much of his days, doing the duties that Lan Huan was excruciatingly aware should have been his father’s and would one day be his. As such, it was completely proper for him to come sit beside his uncle as a form of training for his future. Normally, it took him until a little later into the day to come sit at Shufu’s side—Lan Huan liked having some time for himself, to play or practice as he wished, and no matter how strict Shufu was, he didn’t begrudge Lan Huan his childhood.
It was too late in the day for petitioners, so Lan Huan didn’t go to the Visitor’s Pavilion to find Shufu. Sometimes, Lan Huan’s lessons were simply listening to all the petitions and writing down how he would respond to each. After all the petitions were finished and Shufu had given official rulings, he would take Lan Huan to the Hanshi and they would discuss first how Lan Huan had come to his decision, and then what extra information Shufu had access to that allowed him to make his own—and usually slightly different—ruling.
No, right now Shufu would be in his office. Silently, Lan Huan moved through the main hall and into the side passages visitors rarely saw. It was laid out simply, and he had been walking them since he could walk, so he quickly found his way to Shufu’s office. The doors were open, so Lan Huan slipped silently inside and knelt at the small desk Shufu had given to him three years ago, when he had turned ten and been deemed of age to do work more rigorous than simply listening and struggling through codices of law and precedents.
Shufu had helped him, of course. So had all the other elders and teachers in the sect, and they still did help him every time he came across a word he didn’t know or a concept he struggled to understand. But Lan Huan was very well-taught, and he knew it, and this desk was a symbol of his advancement into formal apprenticeship under Shufu as the sect heir.
Though Shufu looked up and murmured a greeting when he entered, he went right back to his work after Lan Huan had returned the formality. Lan Huan didn’t mind; he knew that Shufu would be busy. While he waited, he looked at the papers on his desk. Today, they were copies of petitions and the decisions made about them. Checking the date, he saw they were from earlier this week, and Lan Huan breathed a sigh of relief; he didn’t need to go digging for background information about what had happened when in the past to explain decisions he found initially strange.
Lan Huan found a clean sheet of paper and brush so that he could take notes and formulate his arguments, and then started reading. He was expected to be able to take the petition and decision and explain how the decision had been made. Lan Huan thought of them as logic puzzles, when presented this way, and greatly enjoyed them; he couldn’t do it very well in the moment just yet, but understanding how facts and feelings tangled together and could be carefully combed into clarity was a joy when he had all the time he needed.
He was halfway through the first one when he heard Shufu stretch. Lan Huan carefully finished the sentence he had been writing, glanced at his notes to make sure he wouldn’t forget what he was in the middle of, and then set his brush down. “Shufu,” he said, voice sounding very loud and small in the quiet, “Lan Zhan asked me a question earlier today that I would like your input on.”
Shufu sighed a little, even as he smiled at Lan Huan. “I welcome Lan Zhan’s questions from his own lips.”
Lan Huan dropped his eyes to his desk, heart beating more rapidly as he acknowledged the implication. Still, Lan Huan spoke the words he’d been working out in his head as he walked to Shufu’s office. “He is curious about the effects of cultivation on the body, Shufu. We know that cultivation allows one’s body to attain perfection of form, but since his body is a trickster, we are uncertain if his body will display characteristics more typical for a woman’s body than a man’s.” He bit his lip, then added in a much quieter voice, “Lan Zhan still hurts from how long it took you to accept his truth, Shufu. I don’t think he wants to ask you about his body because of that.”
Silence stretched long enough that Lan Huan dared to look up again. Shufu was looking pensively out the windows at his calm meditation garden. “I am sorry Lan Zhan feels that way,” he said, as if he had simply been waiting for Lan Huan to be ready to listen. “I do not know how his body will react to cultivation. I do not know any cultivators whose bodies are like his.”
Lan Huan bowed, even though Shufu wasn’t looking at him. “We thank you for your wisdom,” he murmured, already trying to figure out how to tell this to his brother.
“If Lan Zhan is in the library, I will help him find the texts most likely to contain useful information.” Shufu smiled slightly at the surprise on Lan Huan’s face. “Studies of the golden core’s effect on the body are often in the medical section, and no matter how brilliant your brother is, the specific terminology is currently beyond him.”
“Shufu,” Lan Huan said, and didn’t know how to articulate Why can’t you display this kindness more easily? without sounding like a whiny child.
Shufu seemed to understand, anyway. “Sometimes when you get older you become set in your ways,” he said, in the tone that meant This is important. “Not because you are averse to the new ideas being presented, but because they are new and you have forgotten that you do not know everything in the world.”
Lan Huan swallowed, and nodded as if he understood.
“Ah, that lesson will be for another day.” Shufu rose to his feet, and Lan Huan followed suit. “Come, let us learn something new—or discover what is still to be found.”
Lan Huan followed Shufu, quiet and surprised and hopeful for Lan Zhan’s future.